Posts Tagged ‘The Fertile Soul’

Destiny – Feet, Hands, and Heart

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Eastern philosophy holds a different view of destiny than the typical Western view. The science of Western medicine seeks absolutes in how matter behaves. Chinese medicine holds paradigms through which behavior manifests.

Thus, when we look for meaning in things, which are elusive and dynamic, we will become lost and confused. When we find our purpose in a broader paradigm, a larger view allows many different possibilities to manifest.

According to one of the most ancient books of TCM, the Su Wen, there are three prerequisites for the existence of humanity: survival, movement, and differentiation. Survival is our most basic, lowest prerequisite for existence. Yet, beyond survival we move among and interact with life. Finally, we provide differentiation based upon this interaction. It is this most refined aspect, differentiation, that allows the individual to move into higher aspects of his or her destiny. It must begin with a “yes” to life, as it is. For Life gives us destiny through our existence, as it is.

At the most basic level, we need to have that which we need to survive. Food, shelter, water, air, and freedom from disease. Then we interact with life, as it is. Our feet are on the ground; our hands exchange with the essential movement of our daily life. Our heart and heads then can allow us to view the feet on the ground and hands interacting from a higher perspective. Do we experience harmony in life? Does our present view feel limited? Are we in alignment with our life as it is? Are we fighting anything internal or external? Are we conflicted? When we find the level of conflict with life as it is, only then can we uncover it, bring it back to the place of acceptance (feet on ground) and allow a new possibility to emerge.

Destiny then, is seen as the highest unfolding of life as it is. Only then can we allow new possibilities to manifest. When we are conflicted with our lives as they are and think something in the future can make it better, we are viewing life from a distorted lens. This view can never fulfill our destiny, as our feet aren’t ever on the ground. It is as if we are always scurrying forward to try to make life better, missing the view in the present. Our hands are then trying to manipulate things, as they are, in order to make our hearts ok. This defies the laws of nature.

“I need a child to make my life complete” is upside down destiny, where we are playing God, trying to control the future.
“My life is complete as it is.” has the view of feet on the ground. We interact with life as it is. Then a new view can enter – “I yearn for a child.” As long as our feet aren’t misplaced, and our hands are interacting from this grounded stance, we can keep moving toward the emergence of new possibilities to fulfill our destiny.

I Love My Work

Monday, March 5th, 2012

I love the work that I do. Chinese medicine certainly sparked a deep and passionate well of healing that impacted me deeply, personally, and also professionally.

Most people look at me either as a doctor who treats people, or as a teacher who imparts knowledge to others. While I have undertaken those roles, and occasionally serve in the role of doctor or teacher, that is not the work I am most passionate about. That is not how the juice flows for me.

My greatest outflow of inspiration comes when I can share in someone’s life journey, and walk with them on this path toward greater inner peace, finding the expression of their highest purpose; and coming home, so to speak, to give birth to their true selves.

Some come to The Fertile Soul to learn the Chinese medical approach to fertility, and to be treated. This is one level of healing in which they experience a shift from their previous approach of trying to conquer their infertility to one where they learn instead to nurture their fertility. Radically different approaches at one level. Yet others come to share at a deeper level. They respond to a call from the depths of their souls, which are begging for a new way home, a new way to tap into the life giving powers of creation. And this is radically different still from simply learning to nurture one’s physical fertility. It asks for a total immersion in the self, turning away from all aspects of one’s life which are no longer serving their highest good.

Women leave jobs, turn away from relationships that no longer serve them, and pursue all kinds of new and creative endeavors. Some women I have worked with have recognized that their present partner is not the one they were meant to have children with, and that contributed to their physical obstructions. Others have turned from careers in law, finance, or medicine to pursue paths of healing.

Wherever their life path takes them, I am so deeply honored when they ask me to accompany them. While I don’t care much for emphasizing how to manipulating the physical form (you can find those doctors in abundance!) I will walk to the edge of their comfort zone and beyond with them when they are willing to live their lives differently in order that life can move through them in an authentic way.

I thank all who have attended retreat, but I especially am grateful for those who will give it their all- body, mind, and spirit, nothing held back. It is an honor.

The Pain of Birth

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

In order to gain everything,

You must first lose everything.

Have you ever experienced a birth? Not the way they are depicted on the movies, where a woman grunts a few times from her hospital bed, and then is seen holding her newborn; but the agonizing cries of bringing life into existence. Life comes into being through pain.

As the seasons turn to winter, and the earth hibernates, we witness the slow dissolution of the earth’s manifestation. The sun lowers. Leaves fall. Temperatures plummet. Snow blankets the ground with the promise of things yet to come. And with spring, it breaks free again. Sounds come to life. Birds sing, insects sting, and buds push their way into manifestation again. We don’t witness the pain of emergence, but it is there.

Like a limb that has fallen asleep, when sensation returns, there is a tingling discomfort. The longer it has been asleep, the more pain there will be when blood reinfuses it with feeling.

The Taoists have a concept called the Mysterious Pass, where the energies of metal (death) turn to water (hibernation), and emerge through wood (rebirth.) This is the path of our greatest sorrow, fear, and anger. And we must go through it in order to be reborn into the fullness of our awakened existence. If we don’t, we remain caught in the wheel of never-ending sameness, much like the movie Groundhog Day.

In the fertility arena, or any other area of healing, death comes through letting go of the things that are no longer working in our lives. Sometimes these are certain patterns of relating with the world. Sometimes they are old, conditioned habits that are no longer serving us. Sometimes it is meeting the death of a fantasy, face to face. And in the depth of this death, there is great fear of the unknown. What will life be like if I let go of the way I had pictured my world to be? As we stand in the power of the unknown and face our fears, the tingling discomfort awakens us from our depths, and we can emerge anew. The aspect of our soul called the Zhi germinates from our spirit and we are born anew.

This isn’t merely a conceptual process – it is real. Time and again I have seen courageous individuals allow themselves to go through this journey, and their whole body, minds, and lives are restructured around this reemergence. They give birth to their true selves, and in the process, have new potential for life.

Giving Up Hope and Prayer

Monday, November 28th, 2011

So, I happen to like the shock value of the title. We love, honor and cherish hope. We pray for more hope. The worst thing most of us can imagine is giving up hope. And whether or not we are religious, we like to pray to whatever God we believe in to get what we want. We may pray to the internet Gods that we find the right answer to our dilemma. We might pray to the medical Gods that our IVF be successful. We might look up the sky with our hope on display that the power that lights the stars grants us our wishes. Or we may pray the traditional way, hands folded or on our knees, head bowed, Dear God, please grant me my heart’s desire.

I suggest giving up the beggarly quality that is associated with hope for something in the future. I suggest giving up the groveling quality that we often bring to prayer. Asking or hoping that some future thing out there be granted is about as effective as Sit and Be Fit exercises for cardiovascular health.

Oh, did I pray and hope and grovel and beg. And search and research and beg some more. And I could feel the almost palpable recognition that I didn’t have any faith in what I was doing. A mere shred of weak hope, which kept me begging for more. Only to be disappointed again, and back on the neverending ycle of hope and despair.

So, if we give up these weak ideas of hope and prayer, what is left? True hope. True prayer. It doesn’t come out of the brain, but directly out of the heart. It does not project itself in the future, but emerges right now, in all its power and glory.

Finding True Hope and True Prayer

The heart holds a wisdom that the Chinese call Xin. It surpasses the intellect many-fold. The way it manifests best is like this:

Trust with all your being the highest power imaginable, and give yourself totally to it. Your life becomes the prayer. Hold in your heart the feeling of your greatest desire, and prepare to do anything and everything to allow its unfolding. Hold this feeling between whatever thoughts cross your awareness, in the moment, all day long, and you transcend the limited paradigm that makes you feel you have to beg for your birthright.

Hold this intention with gratitude, confidence, and indifference, and you open the door to creation itself.

Fitting In

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Somebody asked me recently, “Where in the world do I fit?” She had just experienced the shocking realization that IVF may not be her answer… a baby may not even be her answer. That, in fact, living the family life may not be her answer.

Most of my early life was spent trying to find a place where I fit. I believe I have lived in about 34 different places now. Scanning back over my past, it seems like I have lived many lives in these 52 years. I’ve had multiple career paths, relationships, husbands, children… chapter after chapter, none of them made me fit. My children have often commented how I am not the typical mom. I don’t hang out with other mothers. I never did the playgroup thing. I don’t like parties and large social gatherings. And yet I anguished over the fact that no matter where I went or what I tried, I didn’t fit in. It seems that I dance to music that the rest of the world doesn’t hear.

One day I realized the most obvious thing in the world: “I don’t fit.” What a relief!

A friend pointed out a biblical conveyance of this understanding:

“The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest His head.”

Now, I know this wasn’t talking about not fitting in with cultural or societal expectations. It is referring to a much deeper truth that the essence of what we truly are, at the core of being itself, cannot be contained. It has no home upon the earth. It will not fit into roles. Yet, do I live this every waking moment? No. I still try to find a place to rest my head. What life situation is going to give me everlasting peace? None. No relationship, no child, no health condition, no financial situation will ever give me rest. Because what I am at the core of my being is peace itself.  It doesn’t need a place to rest its head.

Without looking one moment into the future, where do you fit, right now?

Without the child, the happy family, or the image of a happy future?

Can you notice that even the attempt to make yourself or your life fit into any prescribed image makes you discontent?

Again, I am reminded of the Descartes’ philosophy, “I think, therefore I am,” which I could never wrap my mind around. When I don’t need to think or imagine my life into a particular way of being, I can rest in the realization that I am. That’s enough. I don’t need to fit.  When we aren’t trying to fit into the world, perhaps life has an easier time coming through us. After all, children aren’t little pre-existing beings looking for a place to fit in. They are the unborn expression of that which is uncontained.

The Gift of Receptivity

Friday, August 27th, 2010

The infant’s first need; stimulated by an urge.
A cry is uttered.
The mother responds.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on.

A longing to share this love, stimulated by an urge.
A need is felt in one.
The lover responds.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on.

A desire to bring forth new life, stimulated by an urge.
A hormone is released.
The cell receives it.
The inner cascade discharges.
The egg is released.
It opens up to receive.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on. 

A desire to help life along arises.
The brain seizes. The chemicals halt their release.
We try to make life.
The cell closes its receptors.
We try harder.
The egg isn’t released.
We look for teachers, healers, doctors, fixers. Life stagnates. 

The mother’s cry is received.
An effortless hand is extended.
Life – it’s already within you, waiting for you not to help.
Let us return you to your receptivity.
No effort, no teaching, so life can go on.

Radiating Receptivity

Saturday, July 10th, 2010

To Life:

I am the flower, turning toward the radiance of your life giving warmth.

I am the moon, reflecting your brilliance through the darkness of night;

The ocean as it continually receives the tributaries of your rivers.

The parched earth, soaking in the moisture of your raindrops.

I am the pull of the sap to the roots; the slumber of winter, waiting for your spring.

I am the mysterious mother, taking in death, bringing forth you, Life.

I am made to effortlessly take you in, to return all to the depths where creation emerges through this union of light and dark, all that is and is not.

From nothing comes this love, longing for more of itself.

You give forth life as I receive it; the fulfillment of life’s desire.

The spark ignites, and the universe is birthed again.

We each contain the alchemy of water and fire; jing and shen.

Continually creating and dissolving into the void where the one heart pulls us back into existence.

I am the coral reef; you, Life, its spawning.

I receive you as the seed bursts, the shoot emerges, the bud opens and the flower turns its face to the sun, taking you in.

Tonifying Our Ancestors

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

The egg that is now me used to be inside my grandma! That’s right – the egg that became me spent five months inside the womb of my grandmother as my mother and her ovaries were developing during her pregnancy. And the eggs that became my children developed during my mother’s pregnancy with me! Doesn’t that just send you back in time!

Chinese medicine has a beautiful process known as “Tonifying our ancestors.” When we get into the real depths of healing at our retreats, we have the potential to overcome even that which has been passed through our DNA from our mothers, fathers, grandparents, great-great grandparents, on and on. Not too many years ago I found out that my great grandfather was an alcoholic who killed himself. This was the deepest, darkest secret of our hidden but shameful past. And although I didn’t know about it within my thoughts, its message had been passed into my very cellular makeup, and came into this existence as shame.

Cellular biologist Bruce Lipton, in his book, the Biology of Belief, says that our thoughts and beliefs impact the functioning of our cellular makeup more than any other factor in our lives, and even overrides messages contained in our DNA. Dr. Candace Pert says that the Body IS the subconcious mind, carrying out and responding to the deep held emotional messages that we provide it. This new knowledge can feel overwhelming, but it can also liberate us from all physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limitations and place us in the realm of the miraculous, where limitless potential exists.

We are so much more than our habitual patterns; more than our life circumstances, roles, personal identify and point of view. Although most of us get lost in the trance of social, religious, and family conditioning, there is a part of us that is incorruptible, that resides in the place known as the unborn, where we have access to spiritual healing that goes far beyond physical adjustments and repetitive mental affirmations that merely make us feel better about our present conditioned lives. But we must have the courage to go into these places and stop the cycle of repetition before we can reach this place of divine healing.

This is also the place where life comes into existence in all forms, the place from which light, healing and wellbeing spring.  This is the majestic and timeless realm of unbounded potential, the primordial vibration where all true healing comes. This is the Source, where you are nourished by the primal source of all life where the energy of the life force surrounds you. Here you are entirely loved, entirely cared for, entirely supported. Energy, nourishment and life surround you.

When life feels overwhelming, and you feel like running away from the accumulated conditioning, we teach our patients to go counter to the habitual reflex, stop and go within. Move away from the reaction and return to the source. This is the place where my shame dissolved, where my ancestry was healed, and where the cycle stopped reproducing itself in my offspring.

Here we are freed from all limitations, existing in the timeless, beyond all boundaries. Beyond all thoughts, limitations, and perceptions. Return to the center. The womb of the universe, the inner structure of the mind, the power and source of what you actually are. The unified field of all that exists everywhere, before your grandmother was even born, and beyond the time when your grandchildren have passed.

Here you are connected to; in fact you are, the pulsing creation of all of life. You contain the pure essence of the creative power of the universe.
This is the place where true fertility resides. This is the place where the souls of your unborn children arise. You are always there, together.

This is your essential, original, highest self. Here you are perfectly as you should be. You are embodied potential, uniquely made to fulfill your distinct purpose. Your compelling task is to understand and fulfill this destiny. When you are aligned with your own highest purpose, the forces that structure all of creation are at your service. All powers of universal consciousness come to support your highest, most evolved self.

This primordial vibration is at this very moment waiting for your recognition within your own body. It pulses within your cells, beats through your heart, breathes through your lungs, digests in your gut, and resounds deep within your mind and your whole being; within your ovaries and deep within your womb. It is the silence beyond even your mind, the sound of all that is, all that ever was, and all that ever will be. This is the sound of creation, the sound of yourself.

Posted by Randine Lewis

Yin and Yang; Dark and Light

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

We discuss these opposing but complementary energies throughout our retreat process – yin (dark, feminine), and yang (light, masculine). Most Western civilization is drawn toward the light and away from the dark. This goes into our rejection of the feminine and glorification of masculine power. It plays itself out in the reproductive medical process, too.

Look at some of the damaging diagnostic terms that come directly out of womens’ medical files:

Infertility due to advanced maternal age;
    “      “    Hostile cervical mucus;
    “      “   Ovarian failure;
    “      “   Clomid failure;
    “      “  Poor ovarian reserve…

Even if fertility challenges are due to male factor (commonly known in the medical records as the impotent title “male factor”), it is still the woman who goes through the procedural processes, and it is she who ends up with further diagnostic labels:
    
Poor responder;
Poor quality eggs (not poor quality sperm or embryos; poor quality EGGs);
IVF failure;
Habitual aborter

These negative diagnostic terms leave women feeling quite barren, and men quite impotent.

Women are conditioned to be pretty, nice, quiet, subservient, and not show powerful emotions like anger. Men, on the other hand, are conditioned to be strong, to fix things, and not show “weak” emotions like sadness and sorrow. As such, both men and women become stuck in impotent roles where they are not empowered to reach into the depths of their real power to access their true healing capacity.

Women are most powerful when they can access their deepest power; not their pretty, subdued exteriors, but their inner volatility. And men can be most powerful when they can reach into the potent underbelly of their rejected softness.

I happen to think that we spend way too much time running from the perceived darkness, in our quest to move closer to that which is yang, active, vibrant, and light.

In our movement toward that which feels pleasurable and good, we reject and miss that which feels uncomfortable, scary, and dark, but that is where our most potent healing occurs – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I don’t believe we were put into this dual existence to only pursue the light. By seeking pleasure and avoiding pain we miss the secret entrance into the unborn, the place prior to light and dark, male and female, where our true potency, virility, and fertility reside.

And while many of us pursue our latent tendencies in the opposite gender, every one of us has the full complement of yin and yang within. We don’t need the other; we already have all we need within. But we must access our inner potency alone. We must courageously walk down the path where two cannot walk abreast, right into the void, where we experience the exquisite loneliness that our roles and even our connections don’t allow us to experience.

Although others can help you to reach the edge, nobody can actually accompany you in the leaping off place. Only when we realize we are totally alone, can we reach the place where our inner potency emerges and we realize that we can never be alone because we are that which is beyond otherness, beyond two-ness. We are the one itself, showing up as separate, as two, as three, and as the ten thousand things.

Here we are unconditionally whole, where we live in the divine paradox of the unknown. Yin is as good as yang. Together they make up the Tao, where all is perfect. Nobody is more or less special than anyone else. Here in fact, nothing is sacred because there is nothing here that is not sacred.

Posted by Randine Lewis

The Renewal Process

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

So, I don’t know about you, but I was renewed by all of you on the call. When I saw your names on the RSVP list there was such a sense of connection with all of you. It was like living the past five years and eighty-some retreats in a moment. The Fertile Soul journeys each of you have been on with us, with each other, at times by yourself… to connect with you all on the call was beyond what I could have hoped.

I know most of you didn’t get a chance to say anything, but your energy was part of the group anyway. I hope you will be able to continue here on the site. I know some of you have had biological children, some have adopted. Some of you are pregnant right now. Some are living fully without children. Yes, this is fertility – how life is expressing itself, richly and abundantly, exactly as it is supposed to be.

Some of the books we spoke about were:

The Body Is the Subconscious Mind, by Candace Pert
The Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton
When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate, and
Is Your Body Baby Friendly, by Alan Beer

I hope you were able to feel a sense of renewal and whatever that means for you: Lighting your candles, renewing your meditations, getting motivated to detoxify, reconnecting with your Fertile Soul sisters, bringing yourself back to retreat (no matter how long it’s been; no matter what you are going through)…

Remember, the body is constantly renewing itself. With every breath you take, you are renewing yourself. How are your mind and emotions being renewed? How is your life being rejuvenated? What if you were nearing the end of your fertility journey? What would you do differently? What if you were nearing the end of your life journey? What would you do differently? This is about your one life, and living in the fullest, most abundant expression of your precious life. Remember that you are the miracle, you are the gift. Let the rest of your life emerge through that. We are here for you, and we welcome you wherever you are.

With so much love and appreciation for sharing your journey with me,
Randine

Posted by Randine Lewis