Posts Tagged ‘infertility’

Destiny – Feet, Hands, and Heart

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Eastern philosophy holds a different view of destiny than the typical Western view. The science of Western medicine seeks absolutes in how matter behaves. Chinese medicine holds paradigms through which behavior manifests.

Thus, when we look for meaning in things, which are elusive and dynamic, we will become lost and confused. When we find our purpose in a broader paradigm, a larger view allows many different possibilities to manifest.

According to one of the most ancient books of TCM, the Su Wen, there are three prerequisites for the existence of humanity: survival, movement, and differentiation. Survival is our most basic, lowest prerequisite for existence. Yet, beyond survival we move among and interact with life. Finally, we provide differentiation based upon this interaction. It is this most refined aspect, differentiation, that allows the individual to move into higher aspects of his or her destiny. It must begin with a “yes” to life, as it is. For Life gives us destiny through our existence, as it is.

At the most basic level, we need to have that which we need to survive. Food, shelter, water, air, and freedom from disease. Then we interact with life, as it is. Our feet are on the ground; our hands exchange with the essential movement of our daily life. Our heart and heads then can allow us to view the feet on the ground and hands interacting from a higher perspective. Do we experience harmony in life? Does our present view feel limited? Are we in alignment with our life as it is? Are we fighting anything internal or external? Are we conflicted? When we find the level of conflict with life as it is, only then can we uncover it, bring it back to the place of acceptance (feet on ground) and allow a new possibility to emerge.

Destiny then, is seen as the highest unfolding of life as it is. Only then can we allow new possibilities to manifest. When we are conflicted with our lives as they are and think something in the future can make it better, we are viewing life from a distorted lens. This view can never fulfill our destiny, as our feet aren’t ever on the ground. It is as if we are always scurrying forward to try to make life better, missing the view in the present. Our hands are then trying to manipulate things, as they are, in order to make our hearts ok. This defies the laws of nature.

“I need a child to make my life complete” is upside down destiny, where we are playing God, trying to control the future.
“My life is complete as it is.” has the view of feet on the ground. We interact with life as it is. Then a new view can enter – “I yearn for a child.” As long as our feet aren’t misplaced, and our hands are interacting from this grounded stance, we can keep moving toward the emergence of new possibilities to fulfill our destiny.

I Love My Work

Monday, March 5th, 2012

I love the work that I do. Chinese medicine certainly sparked a deep and passionate well of healing that impacted me deeply, personally, and also professionally.

Most people look at me either as a doctor who treats people, or as a teacher who imparts knowledge to others. While I have undertaken those roles, and occasionally serve in the role of doctor or teacher, that is not the work I am most passionate about. That is not how the juice flows for me.

My greatest outflow of inspiration comes when I can share in someone’s life journey, and walk with them on this path toward greater inner peace, finding the expression of their highest purpose; and coming home, so to speak, to give birth to their true selves.

Some come to The Fertile Soul to learn the Chinese medical approach to fertility, and to be treated. This is one level of healing in which they experience a shift from their previous approach of trying to conquer their infertility to one where they learn instead to nurture their fertility. Radically different approaches at one level. Yet others come to share at a deeper level. They respond to a call from the depths of their souls, which are begging for a new way home, a new way to tap into the life giving powers of creation. And this is radically different still from simply learning to nurture one’s physical fertility. It asks for a total immersion in the self, turning away from all aspects of one’s life which are no longer serving their highest good.

Women leave jobs, turn away from relationships that no longer serve them, and pursue all kinds of new and creative endeavors. Some women I have worked with have recognized that their present partner is not the one they were meant to have children with, and that contributed to their physical obstructions. Others have turned from careers in law, finance, or medicine to pursue paths of healing.

Wherever their life path takes them, I am so deeply honored when they ask me to accompany them. While I don’t care much for emphasizing how to manipulating the physical form (you can find those doctors in abundance!) I will walk to the edge of their comfort zone and beyond with them when they are willing to live their lives differently in order that life can move through them in an authentic way.

I thank all who have attended retreat, but I especially am grateful for those who will give it their all- body, mind, and spirit, nothing held back. It is an honor.

The Pain of Birth

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

In order to gain everything,

You must first lose everything.

Have you ever experienced a birth? Not the way they are depicted on the movies, where a woman grunts a few times from her hospital bed, and then is seen holding her newborn; but the agonizing cries of bringing life into existence. Life comes into being through pain.

As the seasons turn to winter, and the earth hibernates, we witness the slow dissolution of the earth’s manifestation. The sun lowers. Leaves fall. Temperatures plummet. Snow blankets the ground with the promise of things yet to come. And with spring, it breaks free again. Sounds come to life. Birds sing, insects sting, and buds push their way into manifestation again. We don’t witness the pain of emergence, but it is there.

Like a limb that has fallen asleep, when sensation returns, there is a tingling discomfort. The longer it has been asleep, the more pain there will be when blood reinfuses it with feeling.

The Taoists have a concept called the Mysterious Pass, where the energies of metal (death) turn to water (hibernation), and emerge through wood (rebirth.) This is the path of our greatest sorrow, fear, and anger. And we must go through it in order to be reborn into the fullness of our awakened existence. If we don’t, we remain caught in the wheel of never-ending sameness, much like the movie Groundhog Day.

In the fertility arena, or any other area of healing, death comes through letting go of the things that are no longer working in our lives. Sometimes these are certain patterns of relating with the world. Sometimes they are old, conditioned habits that are no longer serving us. Sometimes it is meeting the death of a fantasy, face to face. And in the depth of this death, there is great fear of the unknown. What will life be like if I let go of the way I had pictured my world to be? As we stand in the power of the unknown and face our fears, the tingling discomfort awakens us from our depths, and we can emerge anew. The aspect of our soul called the Zhi germinates from our spirit and we are born anew.

This isn’t merely a conceptual process – it is real. Time and again I have seen courageous individuals allow themselves to go through this journey, and their whole body, minds, and lives are restructured around this reemergence. They give birth to their true selves, and in the process, have new potential for life.

Fitting In

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Somebody asked me recently, “Where in the world do I fit?” She had just experienced the shocking realization that IVF may not be her answer… a baby may not even be her answer. That, in fact, living the family life may not be her answer.

Most of my early life was spent trying to find a place where I fit. I believe I have lived in about 34 different places now. Scanning back over my past, it seems like I have lived many lives in these 52 years. I’ve had multiple career paths, relationships, husbands, children… chapter after chapter, none of them made me fit. My children have often commented how I am not the typical mom. I don’t hang out with other mothers. I never did the playgroup thing. I don’t like parties and large social gatherings. And yet I anguished over the fact that no matter where I went or what I tried, I didn’t fit in. It seems that I dance to music that the rest of the world doesn’t hear.

One day I realized the most obvious thing in the world: “I don’t fit.” What a relief!

A friend pointed out a biblical conveyance of this understanding:

“The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest His head.”

Now, I know this wasn’t talking about not fitting in with cultural or societal expectations. It is referring to a much deeper truth that the essence of what we truly are, at the core of being itself, cannot be contained. It has no home upon the earth. It will not fit into roles. Yet, do I live this every waking moment? No. I still try to find a place to rest my head. What life situation is going to give me everlasting peace? None. No relationship, no child, no health condition, no financial situation will ever give me rest. Because what I am at the core of my being is peace itself.  It doesn’t need a place to rest its head.

Without looking one moment into the future, where do you fit, right now?

Without the child, the happy family, or the image of a happy future?

Can you notice that even the attempt to make yourself or your life fit into any prescribed image makes you discontent?

Again, I am reminded of the Descartes’ philosophy, “I think, therefore I am,” which I could never wrap my mind around. When I don’t need to think or imagine my life into a particular way of being, I can rest in the realization that I am. That’s enough. I don’t need to fit.  When we aren’t trying to fit into the world, perhaps life has an easier time coming through us. After all, children aren’t little pre-existing beings looking for a place to fit in. They are the unborn expression of that which is uncontained.