One of my friends and associates was dealing with fertility issues, and after an IVF had failed, she told Ram Dass that her spirit had been broken. He responded that no, her spirit wasn’t broken; her mind was.
Our illusions can be crushed; our dreams can be shattered, the way we think things should be can be interrupted by life, leaving us feeling lost and broken. But it is not the spirit that that is broken. Your spirit can’t be broken. It is what picks you back up when your plans have been derailed.
TCM recognizes that the heart , which houses the spirit, is pure and incorruptible. Just outside the heart, though, is the heart protector, which is the interface between the smaller mind and the wisdom of the heart. The heart protector absorbs the wounds, and suffers the pain. Every time it feels as if the heart is broken, it is an opportunity for the protection of the heart to open up and let more spirit through.
When I was going through my second miscarriage, it seemed as if I was getting sucked into a void where nothing in the world made sense anymore. Grief stricken, lost and confused, it was my spirit that came through, picked me up, and let me know that it was in charge. What was to be would be. The miraculous was at hand, in process, and it was not my job to figure it out. It was not even my job to heal the pain, but to surrender to it. It opened me up to something greater than the need to guide and protect the direction of my self will. The desires of my own soul were not neglected through this process, but could finally be fulfilled – in ways far beyond my limited mind’s ability to orchestrate the movement of the universe to give me what I thought I needed. My son came through when I could get out of the way.
The direction of my life was made clear when I was no longer playing the role of actor, director, and producer. I could rest in the reality of the divine movement of the play of all of existence, in which I was an integral part; where my future was being divinely guided.
Another friend is going through a heart-wrenching breakup right now, where it seems as if the reason for being has been snatched away from her. How could life be so cruel as to take away one’s greatest love? There is no way to explain the ripeness of moments like this – the raw potentiality of a broken heart. When the heart breaks, the mind’s direction is shattered. It is then that the spirit can rise, and direct our course without our interference. What I do know is this – her life is being divinely directed. Those who are crushed by pain have the greatest opportunity to live according to the incorruptible light of spirit, the unconditional love and joy of existence itself. I feel her pain, and I hold it in the light of spirit, knowing it is not a mistake. It is a miracle in the making.
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